


let the flames turn me to gold

by CyrusBreeze



Series: can't knock me down [3]
Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Makeup Sex, Not Beta Read, Smut, We Die Like Men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 14:13:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16745527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyrusBreeze/pseuds/CyrusBreeze
Summary: Vic had to steel herself before opening the door, and even then, she wasn’t prepared for the sight that greeted her. Lucas looked exhausted, more than Vic had even seen him. The bags under his eyes were dark and heavy, and they looked puffy as if he had been crying.“You can come in,” Vic said.orLucas comes to apologize, and then there's makeup sex





	let the flames turn me to gold

**Author's Note:**

> This fandom! Holy shit! I don't think I've been inspired to write and publish so much in a very long time. 
> 
> But hey, four fics in 3(?) days? I'll take it! 
> 
> I'm gonna say this now: I struggle with smut, but the only way to get better at writing it is to keep writing it and then give it to he wolves to tear apart. Also, another disclaimer, I'm a vagina owner who has never had sex with a person with a penis, so there's that extra layer. 
> 
> This is the third and final installment, and I hope it wraps up things with a nice bow. There is some pretty light angst at the beginning, but it's resolved relatively quickly. 
> 
> This isn't beta read, but I did give it a solid once over. Let me know about glaring issues. 
> 
> Finally, if you've read this far, this chapter has been brought to you by chocolate, s'mores, forgetting to take my ADHD medication, writing porn in the library of my (Baptist) college, and telling myself I wouldn't start on assignments due tomorrow until I finished NaNoWriMo.

Vic felt numb in the days that followed the break up. 

She finally journaled everything and began to process it. Her heart broke when she came to the stunning realization that she had loved Lucas, that she loved him even now, and that hurt. 

Her teammates didn’t help in the slightest when she returned to work on Monday . She said nothing, but Vic knew that her teammates could tell by her mood that things hadn’t gone well. They were extremely apologetic, and Sullivan even offered her desk duty so that she didn’t have to deal with others. Vic accepted it gracefully, and she took both of her meals at the front desk to avoid dealing with her teammates. 

She was lying in bed, unable to sleep because of the looming feelings of emptiness within her. She hadn’t slept alone for two nights in a row in months, usually either she spent the night at Lucas’s house or him at hers or she was at the station. 

Her phone buzzed, and Vic lunged for it, like she had done every time her phone buzzed for the past three days, except Lucas never called, he didn’t so much as text. Her eyes went wide as she read the text. 

_I know you’re angry. Can I come over and talk, please?_

Vic stared at the message unsure of when or how to respond. Her heart was screaming yes, demanding that she invite him over, begging her to let him through the door and to ignore all of their problems. Her heart wanted mindblowing, angry, breakup sex. Her mind was screaming no, reminding them that HR was slated to call them in for interviews in a few days and she needed a clear head and a clear heart. 

Her heart won, because she texted back yes and half an hour later there was a knock at the door. 

Vic had to steel herself before opening it, and even then, she wasn’t prepared for the sight that greeted her. Lucas looked exhausted, more than Vic had even seen him. The bags under his eyes were dark and heavy, and they looked puffy as if he had been crying.

“You can come in,” Vic said. 

She had considered not letting him in, but Vic wasn’t privy to her nosy neighbors knowing all of her business.

Lucas stepped inside, and Vic led him to the kitchen. 

She sat on the barstool directly across from him. 

Lucas said nothing, he simply stared at her for a long moment. 

“You said you wanted to talk,” Vic said. “So talk.” 

“I’m sorry,” he began. “I said a lot of things on Saturday that I shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry that I didn’t think before I spoke.” 

Vic nodded, unsure if she was ready to forgive him.

“But I _have_ been thinking,” Lucas continued.

And Vic bit back the insult that was on the edge of her tongue. It wouldn’t help matters. She was hurting, but clearly so was he. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot since Saturday,” he said. Lucas took a deep breath. “I resigned from my position as the chief of the Seattle Fire Department, effective two weeks from yesterday morning.” 

Vic’s jaw dropped. “Lucas,” she said. 

“Tacoma Fire Department offered me a job 6 weeks ago,” Lucas continued, ignoring Victoria’s interruption. “It’s not active duty firefighting, but I’m getting much too old for that anyway. They’re recruiting a head fire marshal and investigator. Investigation was my original plan before I ended up on track for chief. It’s a huge pay raise, too,” Lucas added. “I wasn’t sure about whether I was going to take it, and Tacoma gave me some time to decide. I accepted this morning. Then, I quit.” 

Vic didn’t know what to say. Lucas had quit. He was no longer going to be an active duty firefighter. He was no longer working for Seattle Fire Department, period. “Lucas,” Vic breathed, the shock threatening to overwhelm her. “You didn’t have to do this. We could've interviewed with HR, and we probably both could have kept our positions with reprimand or suspension." 

Lucas looked up at her, his blue eyes soft. It was so holistically apparent now why he had spent the last several days crying. “I love you,” he blurted out.

Vic’s breath hitched in her throat. She could hardly breathe. 

“I realized that when I walked away on Saturday. It felt hard to breathe without you, and I honestly don’t think I’ve felt this way about anyone before. And yes, we could’ve gone through HR together, but to what avail? Assuming we both kept our jobs and I got reprimanded or suspended, I walk away mostly scot free. Worst case scenario, I get demoted. But for you? You could not receive a single ounce of punishment and your career would still be destroyed. Your fellow firefighters, Frankel, everyone in this department would have a different perception of you. You are an incredible firefighter, Victoria, but this gets out and it ruins your reputation. I have the choice right now, to simply move half an hour away. I still get to do a job I love, but most importantly, you don’t have to deal with the repercussions of this. I talked to HR, and unless you want to move forward with charges, then they’re willing to interview both of us and Sullivan and then be done with it. So long as everything checks out and you didn’t receive any unjust punishments or reward, then HR is willing to let us sign paperwork to put the whole thing behind us. We don’t have to…” Lucas inhaled slowly. “This, all of it, if you want, can go away. We can forget everything happened, and we can go our separate ways.” He looked down.

Vic stood up from her barstool and walked over to Lucas. Her heart acted without her permission, and a moment later her lips were on Lucas’s. 

"I don't want to go separate ways," she said. 

She could feel Lucas’s soft grin, and then he kissed back with surprising ferocity. 

Lucas stood too, gripping Vic’s waist so that she didn’t fall. He pushed gently, and the two of them stepped backward until Vic’s back was against her fridge. 

“Bedroom,” Vic gasped out, because she hit her head so hard that it stung. (Vic never understood when movies or pornos made a big deal about sex against a wall or door. It was impractical.)

Lucas nodded. Then, he kissed her again, his tongue tracing a familiar pattern on her lips. 

“Lucas, please,” Vic said, unable to form coherent sentences and unable to explain that she wasn’t going to have brilliant, amazing makeup sex while rutting against her refrigerator. 

Lucas grinned, and he pulled away. 

It was thankfully only a few steps until they were in her bedroom. (Vic would journal later that she was glad that she had selected the smallest one bedroom apartment available when she signed her lease eleven months ago.) 

The moment they were in the bedroom, Lucas lifted her up and placed her on the bed. 

“Wait,” Vic said. 

And Lucas stopped and removed her hands, staring at her quizzically. 

She smirked “Lock… the door.” 

Lucas grinned wickedly, and his stunning blue were wide with a mix of lust and affection. 

He walked over to the door, and Vic relished in hearing the lock click. 

He was back onto her in a moment, and Vic was taken back to the the time that they had fucked at the station, just barely out of their turnout gear. 

His hands immediately worked to remove her t-shirt, and Vic obliged, lifting her arms over her head for easy access. He removed it, tossing it somewhere into her bedroom. He then removed his own shirt, tossing it somewhere in the room. (Vic could care less about having to find her clothes the next morning.) 

Right now, all she could focus on was Lucas’s hands and the way that his mouth was nipping at her neck. (She was thankful that he the next 36 hour off, and that she knew how to get rid of hickeys because her teammates were not going to let her live it down, and there was no way she was going to ask Lucas to stop.) 

“Fuck,” she moaned as Lucas nipped the sensitive skin of her collar bone . 

He kept going, and not for the first time Vic was grateful that her bra unclasped in the front instead of the back.

She shifted and lazily removed her bra. 

Lucas immediately attacked one breast, placing her nipple into his mouth. 

“Lucas,” Vic whined as he squeezed her other breast, hard. 

Lucas grinned, kissing down her stomach. 

He paused for a moment, removing his own pants and exposing a pair of white briefs. His hands found the waistband on her pants. 

(Vic would later wish that she had decided to shave earlier, but that was another matter entirely.) 

Vic lifted her hips so that he could remove her pants. 

(Vic would also later note that she wished she would have wore another pair of underwear, or at least a nicer pair than the comfortable black ones she was wearing right now. So what if they had a few holes, they were very expensive and very trusty.) 

Vic tried to lift her hips so that he could remove her underwear, but it was in vain. Lucas dug his finger into one of the holes, widened it just a little, and tugged until he felt them snap. 

“Dammit, Lucas,” she whined. (Except Vic wasn’t actually complaining because holy hell that was hot.) “Those were my favorite pair.” 

Lucas gave her a shit eating grin. “I’ll buy you new ones,” he said, and then he buried his face in her. 

“Fuck, okay,” Vic said, her fingers finding his wavy hair. “Those were like $15 at Victori- Fuck!” She yelled as he pressed a finger into her. She tugged at his hair.

“If you do not stop talking about underwear,” Lucas warned, his voice muffled by the ministrations that his tongue was committing. “I will stop.” He briefly paused.

Honestly, Vic would’ve agreed to scrubbing all of the company’s engine with her personal toothbrush if it meant he would keep his mouth on her. 

“I need you, Lucas, please,” Vic whined. 

“You need me?” Lucas asked, his tone teasing. He added another finger and Vic bucked her hips against him. “Did you miss this?” He asked. 

Vic nodded, forgetting that his concentration was on her cunt and not her face. 

“Did you?” Lucas prodded, pulling his fingers out until they were just in by the tips. 

“I missed this,” Vic keened. “I missed you.” 

Lucas looked up, and it was hard to miss the amount of affection in his eyes. “I missed you too,” he said. He returned his attention back to her throbbing cunt. “I missed doing this to you,” he said, pushing his fingers back in. 

Vic exploded. She hadn’t even realized that she was on edge, but perhaps it was the combination of the affection in his eyes and what his mouth and his hands were doing. Lucas pushed his fingers in one last time, helping Vic to ride out her orgasm. 

Lucas looked up, and Vic stared at him, unable to form a coherent sentence. Lucas shifted his position on the bed. Vic sat up slightly, relishing the way that her cunt tingled at the motion.

She grinned, and dipped a hand into the waistband of Lucas’s underwear. 

He was hard, incredibly so, and Vic grinned wickedly. She palmed his cock, and smiled wider when his eyes fluttered closed at the contact. 

Vic pawed at his underwear and he shifted, sliding them down and tossing them off the bed. 

His cock was leaking precum, and Vic pressed on the tip with her thumb. 

“Fuck, Victoria,” he whined. 

Hearing him say her full name would _always_ do things to Vic.

Vic used the cum as lubricant as she slowly pumped him back and forth. 

“Victoria,” he said breathlessly. “Victoria, I can’t, I want.” 

There was something exhilarating about knowing exactly what her boyfriend (and Vic loved being able to say that again) wanted without him having to use coherent sentences. She released him, grinning to herself. Lucas pushed her back, probably a little rougher than he needed to, and he climbed over her. 

“I missed you,” he said again, and there was soft affection in his eyes. 

He positioned himself at her entrance. 

“I missed you too,” she responded. 

He leaned forward on his elbows and kissed her. 

Vic kissed back, and Lucas pressed inside of her. 

He set a solid pace, and dammit if Lucas wasn’t good at what he did. He hit her g-spot every fucking time, and Vic could hardly breathe. She could hardly think. The only thing on her mind was Lucas and the damned fire that had been rekindled in her belly, in her bones. He could've been going for hours, could've been minutes, but Vic's sole focus was on Lucas.

“Lucas,” she moaned after a particularly hard thrust. “I’m close,” she whined. “I’m fuck…” His place slowed, just the slightest bit, and Vic found herself unable to breathe again. Her head and her heart and her body exploded all at once. 

A moment later, Lucas stuttered to a stop, spilling himself inside of her. 

He pulled out, shifted, and flopped on the pillow next to her. The two of them were breathless and boneless. 

Victoria stared at him, watching the way that his eyes were just slightly closed. She lifted a hand and ran it through his wavy hair. He opened his eyes a little wider, looking altogether younger and softer. 

“I love you too,” Vic said. 

He looked up at her, the soft, gentle affection returning. (Vic would never, ever get tired of that look.) “You caught that?” He asked. 

Vic nodded. “I just didn’t want to say that I loved you during sex. But I do, love you, I mean.” 

Lucas gave her a gentle kiss. “I’m sorry about what I said during our fight.”

“I’m sorry too,” Vic continued. “I said a lot of things that I shouldn’t have. I think we were both running on anxiety and emotions.” She paused. “So you’re really leaving?” She asked. 

“My last day is next Friday,” Lucas said with a nod. “And then I have three months of training with and shadowing the current fire marshall for Tacoma.” 

“I love you,” Vic blurted again, because she was never going to get sick of saying that. 

“I love you too,” Lucas replied. “Y’know,” he continued. “I have to get a new apartment that’s closer to Tacoma, and I know that your lease ends soon…” Lucas trailed off. “You don’t have to make a decision now, especially not so soon after we’ve had a fight.” 

“I’ll think about it,” Vic said, even though she already knew her answer. 

Lucas smiled lazily at her. “I hope that our future fights are never as bad as this one.” 

Vic smiled at him. Then, she curled up against him as her eyes drifted shut. “I don’t know,” she teased. “I might not mind as long as the makeup sex is as good as this was.” 

Vic didn’t have to open her eyes to know that Lucas was grinning. She could hear it in his voice. “I love you,” he said. And it was music to Vic’s ears. 

“Love you too,” Vic replied easily. And for the first night in three days, Vic fell into a fitful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I struggled with the ending and actually had to crowdsource what I was going to do about Lucas's job. I'm actually pretty satisfied with the result, and I felt that realistically, this would be the best way to handle it. 
> 
> Did you love it? Hate it? Do you have any tips for improving writing sexy time? Please leave a comment. 
> 
> (P.S. I know Vic should pee after sex, but I didn't want to ruin the mood of the fic. ALWAYS PEE AFTER SEX, KIDS?


End file.
